In the midst of packing for a move, a rough first trimester, celebrating a birthday, and adjustment to life after deployment, I happened to glance at my calendar last night, and realized today is
March 1st.
As in, a fresh, new month. As in, Spring is right around the corner! As in, it's been
weeks since I've even said as much as hello on here.
Rude.
I thought it might be nice to crawl out of my cave just long enough to give a little wave this morning ~ if there's anyone still out there
:-)
Here in the desert, Spring means lots of warm sunshine, yellow poppies on the mountainside, and sweeping up/shaking sand out of our hair after a nasty dust storm once or twice a week. Hey, it can't all be rainbows and butterflies, I guess.
This winter, I've been warmer on the inside than I've been in a very, very long time, and I'm ready for the weather to catch up. Although, my already~widening hips aren't going to look too cute in shorts, I can tell you, the fading freckles on my shoulders are dying to get some sun action.
But, I'm ready to start feeling like myself, again. I'm ready to get out of my yoga pants, and spend my days playing and actually interacting with my little boy rather than just lying next to him on the couch, feeling guilty and miserable while he reads books to himself or watches "
The Adventures of Tin Tin" for the ten~millionth time.
Whether it's my body saying
"Oh, snap, here we go, again!", or it's the fact that I have a very active two year old to keep up with this time, or it's just that every pregnancy is really
that different, I have no idea, but I'm guessing it's some combination of the three. Whatever it is, though, I am definitely not that glowing, laid back pregnant woman I was the first child around.
Despite the migraines (I've never had a
true light~sensitive, nauseating, just have to lie down and grit my teeth until I can see, again, migraine before in my entire life, 'til now), the sickness, and the exhaustion, I am trying not to complain. I know that carrying this baby is both a blessing and a privilege, and I'm doing my best to keep my eye on the light at the end of the tunnel; the promise that I will start feeling better here very soon, and it will all be worth it ~ every last discomfort. At least, I know
that part for sure from the first time.
I'm also ready to get settled into our new place (
just across town). Even though this will be our ninth move in eight years, the clutter and chaos of boxes and things not having their own place has this way of overwhelming me to the point where I tend to just put everything else (like this project) on hold until I can get organized and into a new routine.
After listening to me say "I can't wait til we move, so I can
finally (fill in the blank)", over and over again, my sweet husband finally interjected with
"Why does it all have to wait until we move? Why can't you just be motivated and start doing what you can't wait to do, now?"
You know what? He's so right. Nothing has to wait.
I'm so tired of making excuses, when I think the real reason I find myself postponing things,
deep down, has something to do with fear.
Fear of failure. Fear of not being good enough.
That's why I filled this post with a little motivation from Pinterest.
I'm working on getting myself back together and focused on the things I set out to accomplish this year in all aspects of my life, and I just need a gentle slap on the face/push in the right direction.
As cheesy and cliche as it feels to say this, I need to remember that every day is a new day. A new day of choices and chances.
Even when we don't feel so great, and we are overwhelmed by all of the other little things going on in life.
Today, I'm choosing change.
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